It was merely a six year hiatus...

I almost don't know if I remember how to do this. 
But after a while, I'm sure this bicycle will stop wobbling, and I will be rolling right along again. 

Too many things happened between then and now to detail events, so I shall synopsize...
I married the DJ. We had two more kids. I changed jobs. My father in law passed away. Roger the Rat Terrier (Terror) also passed away. We got a Lab mix puppy named Neno. 

And once again, words are boiling up, waiting to be written. 

I don't promise anything. I have a lot on my plate with a teenager, a preschooler, and a toddler, a husband, house, and full time job as an Emergency Department RN. But I'm shooting for at least one post per week. 

I hope that my old friends and some new friends will come and explore in my Attic.

Amymay

Time to bring back the flow...

I have been poetically MIA for some time now, for a myriad of different reasons. But I feel the itch under my skin, and hear the breeze of words stirring in my brain. It is time to write again. It is time to let the muse whisper inspiration in my ear and watch it bleed out of my fingertips into the pen... or the keyboard. So, in short, I'm baa-aaaaaaaaaaack!

It's a new year and whatnot

Lots of things have been happening in my world lately... well, in everybody's world to be sure, but I'm self-absorbed right now, so we'll be talnbout me, #thenkyavurrrymurch.


So this is a post purely to say that there are finna be changes coming, to my blogs, in my life, and in my goals. Don't worry (all seven or eight of y'all that be checkin' for me) it's all for the good. I'm regrouping, refocusing, readjusting and all that kinda stuff. So there will be a brief continuance of my semi-hiatus, and then I'm coming back, all serious and shxt.


In the mean time, can someone explain this to me please?

Wait... Let's let Red Foreman explain it......

Thanks, Red.

I would tell you...

I would tell you what was wrong
if I didn't believe you would tell me 
why I was wrong for feeling like 
something is wrong.
I would explain my feelings
if I didn't believe you would offer
explanations for why what I feel
shouldn't be felt.
I would break my silence 
if I didn't believe you would dismiss
my words, concluding there is 
no reason to talk about it.


Therefore-- 


I maintain my silence out of foresight.
I hold my tongue out of prudence.
I squash my feelings to keep the peace.
And it's not because I can't express myself,
or don't want to.
And it's not because I can't find the words,
I have them in abundance.
I have played with words enough to 
know their value,
feel their power,
respect their potential.
I feel the finely honed edges of my verbs,
the heat of my nouns,
the heft of my adverbs and adjectives,
the venom of my expletives.
I know the damage I can do with my words.


Yet I stay silent.


Because if I were to speak,
and you disrespectfully wielded your words at me,
minimized my thoughts, opinions and feelings,
chopped and crushed them with dismissing words,
buried and suppressed them with your words,


well...
it would be game on.
And while you use your syllables without skills,
I have honed to a craft the use of my verbal arsenal.


So I stay silent.
Because some damage can not be undone.

My Kid is Growing up Kinda Awesome....

So, flash back to Feb, 09… Mean ass momma makes E start taking guitar lessons. A year and change of great tribulation, wailing and gnashing of teeth later, the child has not only started liking his lessons, he has started practicing without nagging. And tonight? Well… Momma is sooooooo proud! E asked me to help him make up a song. He just wanted me to type it up for him and email it to his guitar teacher, Ivas… he totally had the lyrics running around all in his own mental mind! I hope he learns to love poetry the way I do! I don’t think it’s bad at all for a 7 y/o.

E’s song:

Winds blow

Rivers flow

Kites go

And I know

It will be a good day

Because I say

I am happy today.

When I see

sunlight shine

It is a very bright day

And I say

I am happy today.

Because it is a beautiful day

Today!

For my friend

Some stuff just needs sayin’ but….

Sometimes, you see someone struggling with life, and you desperately want to do something to help. Only, you don’t quite know where to begin the dialogue. So this is just something I need to say, and if it fits you, know that I care and I’m here.

I don’t know if my help is wanted, and I really don’t want to get all up in anyone’s business uninvited. So I watch you wading through chest deep water, against the current, carrying a bundle of worries and problems. I know you hafta be exhausted, or pretty damn close to it. But sometimes, you hafta wade a while, and struggle a while to understand the true nature of the bundle, and what is at the heart of it. I get that. Eventually, you gotta get out of that water or you might drown, though. So, when and if you need a boat, I have one, and there’s room in it for you, friend. You’ve helped me out more than once, and more than you can really know. I owe you. I would consider it a privilege to share my boat with you.

a whole month?

Yep...it's been that long since my last visit to the attic...

Things are in the works...

Revisiting My Favorites

Since school started this semester... and again, let me state, real friends would have talked me out of summer classes. I need more people. Anyhow, since classes started, my blog babies have taken a back seat. Well, today I did some sprucing up, but I haven't got anything new that I'm ready to post yet, so I'm gonna repost my favorite pieces, and see if I can't get a guest poet or two to make some cameos.


I hope you all like this one as much as I do...

Road Trip With Erykah

Shifting into drive, and rollin' out

Miles stretching out before me like a promise.

My travelling companions on the pre-dawn highway...

my over-taxed,

overflowing,

over-active

mind

And Erykah's voice.

The sun rises to my left and

waves away the dusky purple shadow

of night's last sigh.

"Honayyyyyy...... you're soooo sweet"

the lyric coincides with the gilding of a new day.

Note by note and mile by mile

driving the pain away,

leaving Thought along the road,

let that raggedy hitch hiker fend for herself.

Lyrics, fluid from my speakers,

flood my mind.

Rising like the tide

to wash away the memories

and burdens.

In this solitude with Erykah's voice,

I am finding a small, quiet place.

It is mine.

And the miles roll on under my tires.

I am farther from home,

closer to where I am going,

and not wanting to get there.

Yearning for the journey,

not the destination.

It is mine.

Like silk ribbon through slack fingers,

the notes slip through my brain.

Caressing away the tense expectation

of resistance yet to come.

For now, the music says,

let this be enough.

Let go.

Yes...

Let this ride last a little longer,

safe and alone in my capsule of sound,

wheels turning...

and delivering me away....

Even if it is temporary,

it will be enough,

and...

it is mine.

Bubble-bath Music...

Okay, you know how sometimes you have those absurdly stressful patches in life, but somehow, the right song can simply make it better?  It doesn't fix anything really.  It just melts something away.  Opens a passage way for some positivity to work its way in through the cracks.


No?  Just me, huh?  I don't believe that for a hot second.  


Well, I'm pretty sure there isn't much in the world that Sade and Calgon can't fix.  Sade, take me away!

Revolution

This is something I originally wrote and posted for the Blog Poetry Slam on Black Woman Lost and Found, NaturallyAlise's spot... but I liked it so I reposted it here.  I know... Lazy azz, copy n paste post.  You'll live!  I'm working on some stuff.  It's just been nuts around here lately!


The topic was Revolution.  I played with the concept.  Kinda thinking about how so many times, revolutions end up bringing you back to where you started from.  Make you question what you were rebelling against, or turning away from... If you like, leave your own take on the topic in the comments!

Revolutions around a center point, 
constant turnings, and flight. 
Planets running elipses, 
trying to escape gravity 
before being pulled back into line. 

That's what it's all about, you know. 

The movement of the planets, 
revolutions around a sun, 
repeating the attempts 
to move out of an orbit, 
escape the current path, 
reaching the apogee 
running out of energy 
and being pulled back in 

to orbit. 

The universe is a disciplinarian, 
and says stay in your lane. 
Revolution sounds real good, 
but in the end, 
it all comes back around, 
and the path is the same.

NaturallyAlise... is 11 years, 1 day younger than me...

...which means, of course, today is the 10th Anniversary of her 21st BornDay!!

So everyone go check out her blog and drop a few lines of poetry in the comments!!  In the meantime, check out her latest poem.  You can find Alise here and here!

getting stung

Anger buzzes in my head and belly

like a hive of disturbed bees.

I see the disparity of effort

and you getting more out of this than me.

For now, I still care enough to meddle

and stir up those bees 

by pointing out the inequity.

You don't have to worry yet that I will leave.

I'm still invested, still connected, 

still trying to prove that I matter.

I'm still protecting comb and honey and Queen,

with this anger buzzing inside of me.

Angry bees swarming to make a stand, here I am.

Buzzing and diving in my zig zag flight

to get your attention, make you hear me

Flying and buzzing until I tire.

My protest continues, attempts to protect,

attempts just to be heard and seen.

Exhausted, I can no longer fly, only buzz my wings.

My last stand, my final warning.

I want so much to continue,

I struggle against the futility

Too weary, my wings grow still and silent.

And yet, I know you fail to see.

The danger is not in the buzzing,

the anger is a sign of life.

The buzzing is only your warning.

Occurring only when the anger starts.

Fear that moment of silence.

The silence portends decision.

Dread the moment when the air goes flat.

What follows is resignation.

While I still care enough to buzz

to protect my hive and home

there is time to avoid the silence.

Damage can be undone.

But that silence of decision,

it's the harbinger of finality.

Because it means I don't care anymore.

Pushed past anger to apathy.

Then the hive is silent and empty.

No sweetness left in its chambers.

The swarm has taken the Queen and gone.

Leaving only the shell of the comb.

Check out the widget---->>>

Give a listen to my girl NaturallyAlise and check out her page on ReverbNation.  Why? Coz I said so, that's why!

Yelling into an Empty Canyon

This one kinda just stumbled into being after a short gchat with Alise.  The gist of the chat and the poem to follow is that except for my young friend, Susanne, I don't have a lot of contact IRL with other poets.  I put my work on this blog, and occasionally share on Alise's blog, but sometimes, it just feels like I'm yelling into an empty canyon...

I stand here looking at a vast horizon,
flat plains of nothing behind me,
the view uninterrupted and vague.
I turn to greet the vista before me,
green and gold and brown,
blue streams and skies, inviting me.
I want to be there.
Where lyrics ride warm breezes.
Where imagery hangs around me,
like Spanish moss on old trees.
I want to share the phrases that
tumble and flow in those streams.
I look into the valley of this canyon,
and for all that I see,
there is no one around.
I look back on the plains,
and see no one,
not one kindred soul,
who speaks the language of poetry.
I call into the canyon,
Can anybody hear me?
Is there anybody there?
I think I see figures moving
far on the other side,
but they don't hear me.
They don't know I long to share,
the melody of horizons
the harmony of crystal skies,
the phrases and words
that sing pictures of what I see.
They don't know I'm here.
So faintly, I hear them,
singing their own prose,
chanting their poetry,
creating their pictures with words.
Or do I just think I hear,
because I want it to be true?
And so I stand alone,
on the edge of this empty canyon
making worlds out of words,
longing for companions in a poem.
I won't give up the pilgrimage.
I will continue to cry out.
I'll keep yelling into that empty canyon,
until the day dawns,
when a kindred soul yells back.

Music

Tunes playing while we drive
Children laughing at play
Conversation with those close to our hearts
This is the soundtrack to my life


Mingled voices over spades and dominoes
Whispered strategey and loud protest
Spoons and spatulas against pots and pans
Clink of ice in glasses


Breezes blowing wind chimes
The radio in the back yard
Greetings and farewells as people come and go
This is the sweetest symphony of all.


It is the music of family
It is the melody of love

April is National Poetry Month.... but...

How ya doin? April is National Poetry Month.  I love poetry.  Obviously.  But I'm not posting a poem today.
Some friends and fellow poets are planning to celebrate NPM by writing a poem everyday.  I would love to say that I am going to do that, but I don't want to commit to something I know I can't produce.  Because that would be lying, and I don't wanna do that.  I'm not even gonna say I'm gonna post everyday... same reason.


I have never been able to "force" myself to write.  I do try to discipline myself to write.  One reason I love sonnets and haiku.... rules.  Yeah, that's right... some poetry has rules, standards.  Free verse is awesome and organic and powerful in that it finds its form in the flow somehow magically, naturally, seemingly of its own volition.  But when I get blocked, or when life takes me out of "poetic thinking" into reality and stress for too long, the more disciplined forms of poetry help me get going again.  I sometimes make up my own rules for the form and structure of a poem, and adhere to them in order to get my brain to shift from practical to creative.


Don't get me wrong, I feel like all of my better poetry is free verse.  But there is room in this world for all kinds of poetic expression.  I'd love to hear what you think about poetry in all of its wonderful, diverse glory!





P.S. Get the symbolism of the image I chose?  The structure of the mountains in the background transitioning into the free flowing green of the grass in the foreground..... yeah, I thought I was pretty clever, too!

word play

poignant progression

common destination

personal confusion

incomplete communication

uncertain expectation

peripheral distractions

unrealized satisfaction

incredible frustration

recognizable illusions

unacknowledged delusions

deliberate resolution

intense manipulation

weary contemplation

inevitable conclusion 

going mad

madness all around me

no rhythm to the cacophony

words have lost their meaning

the world has lost its cadence

all is life without the flow

bumping and jarring

crashing and banging

tossed and tumbled 

lost and alone

struggling for sense of self

needing it all to stop

looking for a foothold

finding only crumbling rock

wet with the tears of ages

no solid ground

no firm foundation

no secure landing

all is change

the familiar ripped away

no neat and tidy ending

no resolution nearing

uncertainty will have its reign

confusion will celebrate its day

i am all that remains the same

constant

yet i too will be changed

going mad but staying sane

Still here...

I apologize for my neglect... again.  It's been a time of change and transition in Amyland lately.  Unfortunately, when I find myself with too much stuff to do and not enough day to do it, what suffers first is my writing.  Mostly because this isn't how I make my living...

It is, however, how I keep my sanity, so needless to say, I will be back in the swing very soon!

Have you ever....

Have you ever felt the emptiness?
The sting of suppressed tears, 
clouding your vision, 
making the world swim before your eyes?
An ache of loneliness and longing...
and you don't quite know the source?
A restlessness that comes from nowhere?
Near panic, but at what?
Have you ever felt the break coming...
powerless to make it stop,
praying that you can find 
a place away from prying eyes
to fall apart?
Have you ever been so close to the edge
that you feel vertigo's pull?
Tried to balance and back away
before the fall?
Wished desperately for someone,
anyone,
to hold you
and help you
hold it together?
And wept to find yourself alone?
Have you ever?


....yeah, well, neither have I.